Payday will be worth all the broke nights I stayed up

What’s up party people?

‘You know it’s funny, almost every woman I’ve ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You’re the first one that’s wrong not to.”

Full disclosure, that opening quote has absolutely nothing to do with what you’re about to read or close. I just really liked the new How I Met Your Mother episode and thought it deserved a bit of a shout out. Today’s post is going to be drastically different from all the others that have rolled off the printing press. It’s more of an explanation as opposed to a boast or confession. I feel like I owe it to my seventeen readers you know what I mean?

Yes, yes I will be addressing why I am single again

…..f*ck that, I’ve penned at least fifteen thousand words on that subject already. It’s been done to death like ripping on Sarah Jessica Parker looking like a horse or being disappointed by an Adam Sandler movie.

I’ll be talking about my decision to go to Macquarie this year.

****

I’m going to be honest, tt was a decision I struggled to make but one I felt like I had to make. I was pretty lost during the start of 2011, not sure whether my degree would  assist me in my pursuit of a stable career. I felt a lot better when Macquarie became a legitimate option, and yeah I had other options. However, the main reasons I opted to commit to Macquarie were the following:

Increasing my Cup Size

And by that I mean padding my resume. My resume isn’t exactly crash hot right now, I have no real world experience when it comes to jobs in my field and my degree doesn’t completely prepare me for the rigourous career of someone wanting a government job. So I decided one more year, and one more  diploma would adequately prepare me for the next adventure (Editor’s note: Yes, he knows that he can put his degree to use in another field, but the kid wants to try his luck).

The Program Itself

A: What’s you degree called again?

Isaac: Masters of International Security Studies

A: Oh, so what can you do with that?

That’s a very, very good question. One of my tutors back at UNSW actually mentioned it as the program where a lot of government departments fished from. Whether it was policy, ASIO, the army (!)…this degree was successful in converting students to workers. Though there were (and still are) many paths I can take with my Criminology degree, I just wanted more options and peace of mind.

Yeah I could’ve stayed at UNSW..but their Masters program with Criminology just suffered a reboot, and I had no desire to do honours. Still, I could’ve stayed and pursued a JD in law (Editor’s note: That’s the option Isaac’s smarter friends opted for) but I wanted to go down this path first, and if it doesn’t work out..I hope UNSW accepts me again with wide open arms.

New Girls

I’m kidding. A little bit. You only ever need two breasts to call your own.

Oh man, I would deep fry them bad boys

One More Year

I was burnt out at the end of 2010. I was running on fumes as I attempted to scale Mount Assessment for one last time as a student of UNSW. I was just exhausted from working and studying because let’s face it…I’m not the most studious dude there is and any increase in effort automatically resulted in fatigue. However, after a long break in which I quit my job, travelled and spent some time on my ass…I feel like I’ve got one Godlike year left in me to make sure that future Isaac and future Mrs Isaac’s boobs has it just a little bit easier.

Challenge

Postgraduate students…I haven’t been one for long, but one thing I’ve observed from my peers is that everyone genuinely wants to be there. They’re all intelligent and come from a large variety of fields (Editor’s note: There’s accounting, engineering, political science, economics and then Isaac frauding it up with his Criminology degree). There’s also a large portion of folk from overseas, and a lot of them seem a lot older than me. I f*cking love it, I can’t wait to start competing against them and seeing whether I stand a chance.

Look, I know a lot of people doubt me. I hear them saying that I’m a fraud, that my marks were inflated because I did crappy subjects with crappy students who didn’t give a crap about crap, I know all of that. I can’t wait to graduate with my second degree as they struggle through their first.

Hold dat.

So yeah, those are some of the reasons I decided that I would study for one more year and why I opted for Macquarie

(Editor’s note: It’s also a lot closer to his house).

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

It seems like they all want me to fail

What’s up party people?

So we’re done? This the real shit?
We used to hold hands like field trips
I’m a jerk, but your dude is a real dick
I read his post on your wall and I feel sick
He ain’t cool, he ball and all that
But he just a fake nigga who blog in all caps
You couldn’t wait to date
I’m going straight for your thighs like the cake you ate

- Bumper cars are f*cking fun. A couple of my boys and I took advantage of Galaxy World’s Bumper Car Fridays (Editor’s note: $1 a game. Get hyped) and played for a good two hours. Towards the end, I started feeling like Vin Diesel’s crew in terms of team manoeuvres and combos. If only there was a way to monetise these skills cause I’m pretty sure my team could beat your team in some sort of competition.

- I can’t wait to start my Masters degree in Street Fighter X Tekken. Yeah, that’s not a typo.

- Every now & then I go through my friends list on Facebook and go on a purge. It’s necessary cause of the most of the time I’m broadcasting myself onto the interwebs with people I don’t know THAT well and only added me in the first place just to look at photos of an event I happened to attend. However, there are some people I just refuse to delete because of two reasons; boobs. Yeah.

- Little known fact for the people who only know me as Isaac, I’m a huge Rugby league fan. I support the Canterbury Bulldogs cause I grew up in the area and people who didn’t go for the Bulldogs were strung up by their shoelaces on the school flagpole. Even though I go for the dogs, my favourite player is Benji Marshall. Why? THIS is why.

- My favourite line from a song this year? BITCH YOU WASN’T WITH ME SHOOTING IN THE GYM! Followed closely by all of the lines from Heartbeat – Childish Gambino and WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL. I don’t give a f*ck when Adele released 21, I’m still bumping the album now so hold dat.

- THIS song just makes me happy. When a song without lyrics is able to conjure up positive emotions in you, it should definitely be a lock in your bad day playlist.

- I hate it when karaoke songs are missing an artists’ more iconic tracks. I went with my sister last week and wanted to attribute something to Whitney Houston….and the place we went to didn’t have I Will Always Love You. Are you serious? In this place’s defence, they had all of Justin Bieber’s best songs so not all was lost. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU WHITNEY.

- I should stop this.

I'm not sure if this is offensive or not...oh well, no one reads this sh*t anyway

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Chocolate ’12

Days like this were the ones that twenty one year old Isaac looked forward to most. No plans (not until the evening anyway), no pants and nothing needed to be done other than to relax and keep the body fresh. So that’s exactly what Isaac was doing, feet up, ass hanging out, clutching on to a jumbo share pack of Maltesers whilst old episodes of Community played on his television screen.

Big smile on his face, he munched on the bag of Maltesers as relentlessly as Abed made pop culture references. Isaac had absolutely no negative thoughts in his head whatsoever, a stark contrast from a week ago where he was yelling Adele lyrics in the shower at the top of his lungs. Now? The only sounds coming from his mouth was the sound of chewing and bursts of laughter.

He reached into the bag again, ready to pop another delicious ball of malt covered in milk chocolate into his eager mouth. Yet, as his fingers scraped the bag, he realised that the bag was now empty. He flipped it upside down and nothing fell out, not a single Malteser remained. And just like that, Isaac’s mood changed, he felt hollow as he thought about how he had consumed the last Malteser without appreciating the explosion of flavour in his mouth (Editor’s note: Heh), how he had taken all the other Maltesers for granted and how he now was left with absolutely no snacks to enjoy what was still set to be a very awesome day.

Isaac: F*ck.

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

Young girls in cheap dresses, tryna impress us

What’s up party people?

“I would say I don’t play to prove people wrong, but I would also say I remember every little thing that happens.”

- Great, great in-depth interview with everyone’s favourite Taiwanese basketball player Mr Jeremy Lin. I still can’t believe how humble the dude is, believe me when I say that I would be the cockiest, most obnoxious dude ever if it was me blowing up NBA caliber defenses. Oh by the way you know you’ve made it as an athlete when there are rumours about you with Kim Kardashian, she gets my vote as the best sports groupie ever.

- S’more Jeremy Lin coverage, there is now a strip club in New York that has some of their finest ladies disrobing themselves of…wait for it…Jeremy Lin jerseys. And yeah I have a LINK. And ummm, don’t ask me how I found it.

- COMMUNITY IS COMING BACK ON THE 15TH OF MARCH. I know that’s streets ahead, but hey, worth the wait.

- I watched the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie yesterday whilst two girls sat on my bed watching it with me. Yes, yes that was one of my fantasies as a twelve year old. Only difference was that my fantasy consisted of one girl being Amy Jo Johnson and the second one being Alyssa Milano from Charmed. Still, watching Power Rangers with two girls? That’s probably the closest I’ll ever come to having a threesome and I’m ok with that.

- I can’t believe Chris Brown and Rihanna are collaborating again. It’s already awkward talking to an ex, but recording a not very subtle song about sex called birthday cake with them? Dat sh*t cray (Editor’s note: Listen to the song HERE). My favourite line is actually the very first one Chris sings: ‘GIRL I wanna f*ck you right now, it’s been a long time, I’ve been missing your body. I did not make that up. One more Rihanna note, I still haven’t figured out why that song with Coldplay is called Princess of China.

- I get asked a lot what I want to do after I graduate. Here’s my response to everyone who has and will continually ask me from here on out:

“I want to keep being Godlike – Isaac.”

In all seriousness though, I’m not that worried about landing a real job. My parents managed to be successful without an education and earned everything they currently have with nothing but a strong work ethic, determination and a desire to keep up with everyone who did have access to an education. I’m built from the same stuff except I’m also about to start graduate school, so I think..no wait, I know for a f*cking fact that I’ll be fine

There you go.

Real talk: I laughed at this through at least three songs

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Word ’09

“Diu.”

There he went again. Eighteen year old Isaac, fresh from his recent trip in Queensland, had recently picked up a bad swearing habit. No he wasn’t dropping sh*ts or f*cks constantly, just one annoying Chinese syllable in every possible situation. The word in question was: ‘diu (Editor’s note: Pretty much the Cantonese way of saying f*ck),’ and he said it all the time. Him and his friends were out enjoying some yum cha and here he was showing the lack of depth in his vocabulary.

One girl in particular was puzzled by why he kept saying it.

Friend: What does it mean?

Isaac: Don’t worry about it

***

They had all finished eating and it was time to pay for the meal. Isaac held the cheque in the air and asked the waiter for the bill. His friend had still not given up on finding out what diu meant .

Friend: Tell me what it means.

Isaac: Dude, just say it out loud when the waiter comes and I’ll tell you.

Friend: Ok

The waiter came bumbling back to their table, cheque in hand. Isaac watched as his friend raised her hand in to the air and brought it down with incredible force on the table. Coinciding with the thud of palm on wood was one Chinese syllable:

Friend: DIU!

(Editor’s note: Isaac hasn’t been back to the restaurant since)

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

I can’t make you love me

What’s up party people?

“I can’t make you love me, if you don’t

You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power

But you won’t….no you won’t”

- I’ve been listening to THIS song a lot this past week in between Adele sessions. It’s a song that I never skip when it comes on iTunes and one that really suited my mood these past seven days. So naturally, there is an Adele cover of the same song floating on the interwebz which I will listen to until my ears bleed, or when my computer decides to smack me in the face with a digital fist.

- Don’t be mad at the girl. Don’t be mad at the other guy. Don’t be mad at your hair for not being able to lie straight. Be mad at the fact that you failed to adapt to the situation and make sure you are never in the same situation again. Improve as a man, and as a person, use the failure as motivation, a wake up call if you will to ultimately level yourself up.

- My sister broke up with a lot of sappy fools back when she was considered hot (Editor’s note: She came over to visit me and I called her a fatty. She punched me in the stomach so hard that I had to suppress the urge to puke for a good thirty seconds. Don’t f*ck with pregnant women….and yeah, I meant that in many ways). One of her trademark moves after a break up or a brutal rejection was that she would send the dude THIS song over ICQ or mIRC. My sister is Godlike, and not only because she’s the mother of my swagtastic nephew.

- F*ck yeah, a Tumblr dedicated to all things Jeremy Lin. Probably the second best Tumblr out there behind What the F*ck is Michael Jordan Wearing.

- If you asked me whether I wanted to graduate a semester earlier or become a master at Street Fighter X Tekken…I’d probably say graduate, but there would definitely, definitely be some hesitation before I gave you my final answer.

- Isaac: I’ve got lines like Whitney Houston before she died

Girls: OOOOOOHHHHH

Isaac: Too soon? I will always love you Whitney

Girls: OOOOOHHHHH

I wonder if Whitney watched South Park.

Friend: Hey Isaac

Isaac: Yeah?

Friend: You know how we’re not very close

Isaac: Yeah…?

*Silence*

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Attitude ’10

Ice cream was never a question, but always the answer. Nineteen year old Isaac, accompanied by one of his closest (and shortest) friends were both enjoying massive sundaes. They had both recently endured tumultuous periods involving the opposite sex, so the ice cream tasted extra sweet. Eventually, the last spooful had been gulped down and it was time to move on to the next place in which they could bitch about their recent sagas. Isaac groped around his bag for his wallet intending to pay for both of their desserts, she was not a romantic interest (Editor’s note: She is the second last, if not last person on this planet he would ever consider) but still Isaac was trying to keep chivalry alive.

He looked up and realised his friend was already gone. She was already outside waiting for him to pay.

***

Isaac caught up to her grinning widely.

Isaac: Dude, I was always going to pay but at least pretend

Friend: Oh sh*t, I forgot

(Editor’s note: She didn’t forget)

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

Not again, this wasn’t supposed to happen to me

What’s up party people?

Maybe this decision was a mistake.
You probably don’t care what I have to say.
But it’s been heavy on my mind for months now.
Guess I’m trying to clear some mental space.
I would love to talk to you in person.
But I understand why that can’t be.
I’ll leave you alone for good I promise.
If you answer this one question for me.

- If you told me that a musician recently made it rain at an Atalana based strip club, I would’ve named the first one hundred rappers that crossed my mind. I would’ve never guessed that it was mother f*cking Ne-Yo (Editor’s note: Pictures HERE). To add to the awesomeness, apparently he went with his bride to be and the two of them redecorated the place with hthousands of one dollar bills. So Godlike, so based.

- One of the greatest stories that never came to be was when I was in New York and found one of those clubs that allow you to eat sushi off of a bare naked lady. That would’ve made quite the tale.

- JEREMY FOR THE LIN!

- Whenever I’m sad (believe me, it happens) I find that the best way to cope with it is to just keep myself busy with one (or many) of the following activities. Write, play video games (the more violent the better), sing (in the shower, at karaoke or in public), dance (preferably in front of a window where outsiders can get a look & laugh because hey, making other people happy is a good thing), make it rain at a strip club alongside Ne-Yo (Editor’s note: I expect at least fifteen Ne-Yo at a strip club jokes in his next five entries), eat copious amounts of frozen yogurt/ice cream and have a lot of dirty, depraved sex.

Yeah, that’s about it.

- What NOT to do whenever you’re sad; lock yourself in a room and have Adele on repeat (Editor’s note: He is so guilty of doing this), look at old photos with an unblinking stare wondering where things went wrong, watch romantic comedies that might result in you hurling all your remote controls at the screen, plot something very vindictive, write, go to a buffet and attempt suicide via artery clogging.

- Going to yumcha with white folk is one of the best dining experiences a yellow dude like me can have. Watching them squirm as you enjoy something considered ‘exotic’ is a laugh riot.

- The Washington Wizards were interviewing some of their players about some of their Valentine’s Day memories. My favourite had to be this from Mr. Jordan Crawford: “I’m the wrong person to talk to about Valentine’s Day. I usually get rid of my shorties around now.”  Jordan Crawford everybody.

Maria is currently with the infamous Sasha Vujavic so this is kinda relevant to this post. Also, I really like Maria Sharapova.

Anywho, on to the next one:

 Q&A

(Editor’s note: He’s not in the best of moods nor is he in much of a reflective one either, so the staff here at Part Boast, Part Confession hope you understand this is cheap way of getting out of writing anything of substance).

Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first love?

In the immortal words of Utada Hikaru, you are always gonna be the one, my true love *INSERT WHATEVER JAPANESE STUFF SHE SAYS HERE*

Where is the next place you will travel to?

Somewhere I can clear my head, reevaluate my life and buy cheap soda.

Have you ever worn the opposite sexes underwear?

I can neither confirm nor deny that.

Have you cried today at all?

Big girls don’t cry.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?

 In the shower singing Set Fire to the Rain. Shout outs to Adele.

Do you say sexy a lot?

Only when describing myself.

When was the last time you had a sleepover?

I hate sleepovers. The comfort of my own bed is preferred over any sleepover, unless it’s the type where not much sleep is involved.

Do you have any gay friends?

You know what it is, shout outs to my dudes who take bromance seriously.

What is something you currently want?

Clarity.

When did you last throw up?

I engage in verbal vomit every single day for the fans and for the haters alike.

Do you want to get married & have children one day?

Someday. Not today though, definitely not today.

Do you still think about your exs?

Only when they come up, but it doesn’t happen very often, kinda like when I was with them (Editor’s note: Not sure if he just took a shot at the girls or if he just confessed that he has erectile dysfunction).

If you could, would you date a cheerleader?

Hell yeah, hell yeah, f*ckin right I would.

Ever made out in a pool?

Negatory. I hate swimming, imagine tongue lashing in the same place a seven year old decided to take a golden shower. Not exactly romantic now is it?

Where is your default picture taken?

Somewhere I bang your mother a lot. Cheap shot I know, but apparently that’s all it takes to get to your mother too.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?

Whatever length that doesn’t make me look like a yellow Justin Biever

Do you like ice cream?

I love it when you scream.

What is your favorite colour?

The colour of your eyes. Yeah, I’m on that cheesy stuff.

What was the last thing you bought?

Some chicken. A black man’s gotta eat you know what I’m sayin’?

Where do you keep your money?

I make it rain like Ne-Yo in a strip club.

What was the weather like today?

Way too hot, like a sex tape involving Kate Upton.

Where are your mom and dad?

Not at home, please don’t come and try to molest me.

What did you want for Christmas?

People to spend it with. Queue the violins.

Do you like to eat ice?

I like ice as much as Whitney Houston does….too soon?

What is your favorite place to shop?

New York city.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex that you talked to?

Shout out to her.

Would you ever consider moving to another state to be with the one you love?

Definitely consider it, can’t guarantee it, but I’d consider it.

Do you like sushi?

I love sushi….we are referring to Japanese women right?

Do you lie?

Always, I can’t sleep standing up.

Are you typically a jealous person?

Who’s there to be jealous of?

Own bright colored underwear?

You’ll have to come to my room to see for yourself.

What was the best movie you have seen in the past two weeks?

Chronicle.

Are you going to have a good night?

That’s the Isaac guarantee.

Do you have strange dreams?

Nope, only ones that don’t come true.

When was the last time you did the dishes?

Last night.

What are you listening to?

Climax by my main man Usher. I was totally expecting a song about sex.

Have you ever had your heart broken

I’m still pumping, so obviously not

Are you happy?

Yeah, yeah I am.

What’s your favourite line from a song?

You didn’t have to cut me out.

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

Don’t tell me our youth is running out

What’s up party people?

B: You think you’re better than me?

Isaac: Yes.

- Late happy Valentine’s Day to all my party people in happy relationships, to all my single & lonely friends, to all my sex crazed alcoholics, to all the desperately seeking ones, to the ones who are loyal, to the cheaters. Hope y’all found a special way to celebrate a day of love with the people you love whether it was of a romantic or a platonic manner. Me? I spent it with myself as is Valentine’s tradition. What did I do? Er…I rewatched Adele’s grammy performance a lot. That’s all I’m going to say.

- To all Valentine’s Day haters…I feel you. You guys feel like it’s a Hallmark holiday and that everyday is an occasion where you can shower your loved one with physical and intangible displays of affection. You guys are awesome. However, not everyone is like that. If some folk need a little motivation to make someone else happy then so be it.

- Still my favourite Valentine’s Day song ever.

- Back to regular scheduled programming; I fail a lot. I don’t admit that a lot on here even though confession is in the title. Partially because well….who likes to talk about how much they suck at things? And secondly, I’m usually worried I’ll write something that I’ll reread in six months and cringe. Today though? I don’t give a f*ck.

I’ve failed examinations, I’ve lost races, I’ve let my team down, I’ve been turned away, I’ve been late, I’ve been told I’m a disappointment, I’ve sucked at a couple of job interviews and I’ve failed to finish a plate of hot wings at a Hard Rock Cafe. Yeah, a lot of lowlights in what is otherwise an absolutely glorious existence. As I’ve gotten a lot older, I’ve realised the one thing all my successes and failures have in common…myself.

Everything I have, I’ve earned. Everything I don’t? I don’t deserve.

I can’t be salty or mad about the cards I’ve been dealt. However, I can be disappointed by how I played the hand. I am my own harshest critic and I’m disgusted at some of my performances in the clutch from years past. Some of them came from lack of preparation, a shortage in knowledge, nerves, fear of failure and a host of other reasons. All in all, I’ve learned a lesson from all of them and i carry that sh*t around with me every day.

Once again though…I didn’t earn those successes and rightfully so. I don’t want any fraudulent wins. With failure comes another kick in the ass, an extra source of motivation and some more fire within me to improve, to be a better man and to make sure that I am never in a similar situation again.

That’s how I live my life.

….Swag.

Some say there's a correlation in terms of my love for pokemon and my lack of bitches. I say...gotta catch 'em all.

Mother: Why are you at home? Don’t you have plans today?

Isaac: ….why would I?

Mother: Don’t you know what today is?

Isaac: Tuesday?

Mother: It’s Valentine’s Day! No one made plans with you today?

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Duck ’00

Along with recess and lunch time, dinner time was probably one of nine year old Isaac’s favourite daily occasions. Today’s dinner was a bit fancier than it usually was, and young Isaac was curious as to why this was. The entire family was assembled, both his parents, his sister and his two beloved grandparents as well.  The spread was intense…BBQ duck ,roast pork, lobster AND crab? Something serious was going down today.

Isaac: Why is there so much food today?

Mother: It’s Valentine’s Day

***

The family of six started shoveling food in to their mouths, talk was scarce at first, but then the alcohol started pouring.

Sister: How did you guys spend Valentine’s Day back in the day?

Isaac’s dad grinned slightly and was about to speak before his mother interrupted.

Mother: Your father never gave me roses, he bought me a BBQ duck once.

The table roared with laughter at this revelation, Isaac helped himself to s’more duck, completely nonchalant about the conversation that was happening.

Father: Well in my defence…the only person that would’ve been happy about the flowers was your mother. With the duck, at least we could both enjoy and have a nice meal.

Swag.

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

Couldn’t see me as Spiderman and now I’m spitting venom

What’s up party people?

S: What are YOU going to be doing on Valentine’s Day?

Isaac: I’m going to be spending it with the person that means the most to me….myself.

- For the record, I’m actually a fan of Valentine’s Day. I know, I know, you’re supposed to treat the person you like/love/want to bone  well everyday of the week. That’s hard though, sometimes people just need a bit of a kick in the ass to treat someone special. It’s like how we don’t constantly bombard our friends with Facebook posts and wait for occasions such as birthdays to check in on how they’re doing. Actually, don’t take what I’m saying seriously, I’ve spent the last two Valentine’s Day rewatching the Dark Knight and playing basketball.

- Chronicle is a fantastic freaking movie. There were some points in the movie where the special effects were a bit weak, but they didn’t take away from the overall quality of the film at all. I especially like the fact that one of the main characters was played by an actor named Michael B. Jordan (of Friday Night Lights Fame). Bet you can’t guess what his middle name is….it’s BACARDI. I want to meet the guy’s parents.

- JEREMY LINSANITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Fcuk yeah, I feel justified for voting him in as an all star (BEFORE the three game stretch btw), won’t happen but oh well. And why the f*ck was he left off the rookie/sophomore rosters?! God damn it. (Editor’s note: Here’s a Jeremy Lin DUNK mix, his most recent highlights against the Jazz, and a new special handshake he has with Landry Fields that I’m stealing).

(UPDATE: OH MY GOD, HE JUST ERUPTED FOR 38PTS AGAINST THE LAKERS! I want Jeremy Lin to be my Valentine)

- He particularly has a following amongst Asian-Americans. And some Asian-American young men, long stereotyped as timid and unathletic, nerdy or effeminate or socially immature—have fought back tears (which may not help with the stereotype, but is understandable under the circumstances) as they watched Jeremy Lin score 25 points, 7 assists and 5 rebounds for the New York Knicks (Source: SLAM Online). I had no idea Asians were considered socially immature, I know they’re talking about Americans but still.

- At this point, I would believe anything you tell me about Jeremy. I’ll believe you if you tell me he hits a game winner in the last second, I’ll believe you if you tell me he explodes for fifty, I’ll believe you if you say he dunked on Blake Griffin, I’ll believe you if he hit a game winning dunk in the last seconds on Blake Griffin without shoes on. I BELIEVE IN JEREMY LIN!

- Blonde Viet girls all look the same. Shots fired (Editor’s note: In fairness, all Asians look the same).

The one on the left ain't that bad

When a good thing goes bad it’s not the end of the world

It’s just the end of a world that you had with one girl

And she’s the reason it happened, but she’s overreacting

And it’s all because she don’t want things to change 

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Unprofessional ’12

Accompanied by his motley crew, twenty one year old Isaac walked over 100 blocks to enter Times Square. Yes, THE Times Square with the bright lights, giant billboards and constant distractions in every direction. This was their first actual day in New York, and they were finally getting to enjoy the best city in the world after a rather eventful JOURNEY. They stopped constantly to go into the stores, and it seemed that every major international brand was reprsented.

Isaac was in awe, Times Square was exactly how he had always envisioned it.

***

Isaac: Oh look, Toys R Us!

Isaac spotted the famous toy chain across the street and persuaded his friends to accompany him. He had heard that there was a giant ferris wheel inside, and you’ve gotta check out a ferris wheel if there’s one in the vicinity. As they neared the entrance, Isaac spotted a familiar blue and red figure outside.

Isaac: OH SH*T, IT’S SPIDERMAN.

Isaac convinced his friend to take a photo for him. He then tentatively approached Spiderman,

Isaac: Excuse me Spiderman, do you mind if I get a PHOTO with you?

Spiderman: Sure

As Isaac moved closer to his hero, he noticed a really funky smell emanating from him. Isaac did his best to ignore it as the picture was snapped. They spoke for a little bit and Isaac remarked at how much the costume clad individual sounded like Peter Parker. Then:

Spiderman: You know, a small donation would be really nice…

Isaac quickly emptied his pockets of all his coins and Spiderman farewell. As he departed he then noticed how frayed the Spiderman costume was, he also noticed the gut…and he wondered about the smell before it all smacked him in the face. It had been a homeless guy masquerading as Spiderman. Laughing as he discussed it with his friends, the four walked into Toys R Us and were immediately greeted by the sight of the Ferris Wheel.

Not long after admiring the Wheel, Isaac once again spotted the familiar blue and red costume. Except this time it was an immaculate costume accompanied by a professional photographer offering to take photos of people with Spiderman.

Isaac: F*ck

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

You didn’t have to cut me out

What’s up party people?

K: You’re a freak

Isaac: I’m mature

D: I think both apply 

- Not done with the latest ‘Isaac on blast’ quotes either. I caught up with one of my friends the other night over Thai food and pretty much filled her in on everything that has already happened this year (Editor’s note: This means more mediocre blog posts. Huzzah), I told her a story which seemed promising at the start but then morphed into something out of a Nicholas Sparks novel this was what she said:

CC: After every story you tell me, you’re always still single.

Ouch.

- Got another one. One of my best bros is going to HK on Friday and he’s pretty much the reason we all get together every couple of weeks to play tennis. He’s also my doubles partner, so when I was met with stone cold silence after I half jokingly said: ‘who’s going to carry me when you’re in HK?’….that’s when I knew I really, really sucked at tennis. There’s another thing to add to a list that’s growing faster than Mariah Carey’s waistline after the release of an album (for the record, I love Mariah).

- This one too. I’ve been really sick lately and I realised that I didn’t feel as bad when I was with my friends just trying to crack everyone up. So I posted the following Facebook status: “Making other people laugh is the best medicine.” One of my favourite people in the world decided to retort with this: “Are you making people laugh with your penis? Bam.” At least other people got a kick out of it.

- One more for the haters; I was going IN about my life philosophy and why I don’t really put forth much effort when it comes to females. During the spiel, I busted out one of my patented lines: ‘I know I’m not that bad, and if I really wanted to, I could just get some random female.” As soon as I said that, I was greeted with one look of incredulity and once again….stone cold silence. I will now proceed to deep fry my pinkie.

- Sorry, I’m not going to make a single joke about the Superbowl cause I have a lot of friends who support the Patriots. Shout out to Gisele Bunchden for defending her man.

- There is now a Jeremy Lin rap video. This has officially made it into one of the top five days of 2K12 (Editor’s note: Bonus: here’s his INTERVIEW post his 28pt game against Utah. He’s such a humble guy. He’s the opposite of me, so skilled and humble as opposed to unskilled and cocky).

- Great article about why comparing anyone to Michael Jordan is blasphemous, it’s like comparing any other blogger to me, completely unfounded and foolish.

- Throughout the years, I’ve always heard that it’s up to the guy to make moves when it comes to potential romance. I’ve also heard that females tend not to do anything, even if they like the guy. I call bullsh*t, the truth is that if a girl likes a guy enough, she’ll eventually get tired of all the constant speculation with her fellow females and actually put forth some action. So, if you’re a dude who’s just trying to sum up the courage to do something for a female you think likes you….think about it, she would’ve done something if she liked you too bro. Real talk (Editor’s note: Devil’s advocate view; Isaac doesn’t know sh*t about females. And you never know unless you try…I will now shoot myself in the eyes with a vinegar loaded water gun for using that cliche).

- Kobe about to lose 150m’s….Kobe my dude I hate that it had to be him, bitch you wasn’t with me shooting in the gym…BITCH YOU WASN’T WITH ME SHOOTING IN THE GYM!

- For the record, I would’ve came back for you. And that’s the last time I’m going to mention it.

Yeah, that iPod was mine once upon a time.

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Explanation ’11

Frozen yogurt was never a question, but always the answer. Well, that’s how twenty year old Isaac felt considering the fact he was enjoying the icy dairy goodness for the umpteenth time that week (Editor’s note: He had frozen yogurt six times in a five day span last year. Good times. Lucky he’s not lactose intolerant). He was enjoying it with a friend he had only made recently, Isaac enjoyed her company as they spoke about their lives in a way the oldest of chums would.

Inevitably, the conversation suddenly shifted towards their romantic lives, more specifically, the lack of romance in both their lives.

A: So, do you like her?

Isaac: Some days.

A: What’s that supposed to mean?

Isaac picked up his spoon and had a mouthful of delicious frozen yogurt for he was about to spit out a mouthful of verbal soup.

Isaac: Some days…I think about how amazing she is, how happy she makes me feel and how well we get along. But, then on other days I remember how different we are, how we are in different stages of our lives and how we want very different things. Do you get me?

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

Rearview ridin’

What’s up party people?

How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?

- I don’t think it’s a big secret that I have a big affinity for Asian athletes. I nearly cried the day Yao Ming announced his retirement from the NBA (Editor’s note: My favourite Shang ever, second being my youngest cousin, third being one of my best female friends). I’ve tried to get Yi Jian Lian into the annual NBA all star game every year since his debut and failed everytime. So, when I heard about a Taiwanese kid out of Harvard (who was studying Economics) who had a legitimate shot of playing in the NBA, I was ecstatic. So imagine how happy I was when he pretty much put New Jersey in a blender by scoring 25pts, snaring 5 rebounds and dishing out seven assists. I’ve already watched the HIGHLIGHTS three times since they were uploaded on Youtube.

- I know I mentioned this yesterday, but I REALLY want to watch Chronicle.

- I kissed this girl I’ve liked since back when I was just a sophomore
But I’m afraid to text her “What the f-ck it take so long for?!”
What the f-ck has changed? It it swagger? Is it money?
I still dress the f-ckin’ same and my nose is still as ugly
As the day you f-ckin’ met me

I know, I know. I’ve posted those lyrics before but the song just came up on iTunes and I couldn’t resist (Editor’s note: The song is Break (AOTL) by Childish Gambino aka Troy from Community)

- Something for all Harry Potter fans; I’m not a very emotional guy as all my ex’s would attest to, but I was blubbering like a housewife at a Best & Less sale after watching THIS video.

- God bless AMERICA for coming up with the equation that cupcakes plus chicken wings equals WIN

Damn right they do

I didn’t start liking her because it happened. I started thinking I had a shot when it happened. I was wrong.

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Driver ’12

Finally, they had arrived. Well not exactly, New York City was the final destination but a motely crew of tourists featuring twenty one year old Isaac had made it onto American soil. They were in Newark, New Jersey and were trying to figure out what the best way to get to New York. They eventually decided that they would suck it up and take a cab, Isaac looked around at the directional signs and started to head towards the cab stand. However, one of his friends had engaged in conversation with a guy wearing a bluetooth headpiece and they were headed the opposite direction.

Isaac: Where are you going? Taxis are this way.

Friend: He’s a cab driver, he’ll take us to NYC

***

The four Australians followed their ‘driver’ as he led them through a series of elevators in a parking lot. Isaac kept glancing at his friends in an attempt to catch their eye, surely he couldn’t be the only one who sensed something amiss about the situation. Weren’t cab drivers supposed to stay with their cabs at all time? Were they allowed to approach potential passengers?

Finally, their ‘driver’ led them to an umarked parked car. There was no taxi sign embellished upon it, no sign whatsoever that the guy was legitimate.

Again, Isaac attempted to catch the eye of one his friends. He managed to and his friend just shrugged. They were all weary after a long flight, Isaac was the only wary one. They started putting their luggage into the boot of their driver, Isaac clutched at his luggage cautiously. He did a quick calculation in his head, four on one was still more than sufficient if sh*t went down (Editor’s note: In hindsight, Isaac failed to account for the possibility of a gun).

Isaac put his luggage in the back, but kept his carry on bag with him. He also took off his watch and fastened it around his knuckles; creating a short of makeshift knuckleduster.

Driver: You.

Isaac looked up, the driver was addressing him directly.

Isaac: Yes?

Driver: You’ll be sitting next to me

Finally, Isaac’s friends started to look suspicious. Why would the driver request the company of the least attractive person in the group? Was it because he looked the weakest? Was it because he was yellow? All these questions whizzed around Isaac’s head as he fastened his seat belt and prepared for the ride.

***

The journey was quiet. Partially because everyone in the car was tired, and partially because Isaac was scared sh*tless. There was a little small talk, the driver asked where they were from, what they were doing and why they were so mute. Isaac didn’t want to answer anything, worried about giving ammunition to the shady driver. Isaac had managed to convince himself that they were about to be led into an abandoned factory and bound by their wrists.

As the length of the drive increased, Isaac found himself getting calmer due to the scenes he was witnessing out his window. There was no doubt that they had arrived in New York City, surely they weren’t going to be captured. Then, he remembered that this guy had no meter, no signage and no evidence whatsoever that he was an actual taxi driver.

****

Driver: The toll will be $89 plus tolls plus tip.

He finally stopped outside where they were staying and Isaac breathed a huge sigh of relief. They had arrived and all their body parts were still firmly attached. Even though the fee seemed excessive, perhaps that was just how expensive cabs were in NYC. They gave him pretty much all the cash they had and took their luggage into the hotel.

Isaac: I’m so glad we’re alive

Friends: Yeah, we thought it was weird when he wanted you to sit next to him. Oh well.

Isaac: I thought we were going to get kidnapped or scammed or some sh*t.

(Editor’s note: Turns out they did get scammed. Taxi cabs are dirt cheap in NY and all trips to airports in the NY area are a $45 flat rate plus tolls. The dude was just some random guy looking for gullible tourists at the airport. Kudos).

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

Beneath the pale moonlight

What’s up party people?

“Give me 10 minutes to talk away my ugly face, and I’ll bed the Queen of France.”

- Apparently my opening quote was from the philosopher Voltaire. Even if it isn’t, I think it belongs in the pantheon of most swag-heavy quotes of all time.

- Shout out to my boy Derick for starting a blog to help unfit people. You can check it out HERE, everything is well researched, well written and purposeful. Sort of like the opposite of everything I write. And skinny fat is now my favourite oxymoron of all time.

- Some miscellaneous things I’m looking forward to this year; Watching Chronicle (I’ve been hyped for this movie ever since I first saw the trailer last year), the release of Street Fighter X Tekken, Valentine’s Day (don’t ask why),  Graduation, the Avengers, the Dark Knight Rises, the inevitable crazy theories on how the world’s going to end (Editor’s note: Whilst attending a taping of the Late Show with David Letterman, Isaac was tempted to ask Dave how he’d like the world to end. He was denied the chance), and starting my internship.

It should be a good one folks.

- By the way, when Street Fighter X Tekken drops, don’t expect to hear from me for at least a month. I’ll be locking myself in the basement until I emerge as a half decent player, which might take a week….or ten years. Yes, yes I do have my priorities straight.

- THIS is still my favourite KFC commercial of all time. Actually, it’s probably in my top five commercials of all time along with the Old Spice guy, every Victoria’s Secret commercial ever, that Darth Vader Volkswagen ad and that Cadbury eyebrows commercial. Classic stuff, I’m very appreciative of effective marketing.

- I have the biggest man crush on Ricky Rubio right now. Told y’all he’d be good.

- CNN replayed THIS at least 6,000 times. I don’t blame them really, Obama’s my favourite politician of all time. John Howard is 76th on that list.

- One of my friends told me that he didn’t realise my blog had become an advice column. So I’m going to keep it classic today instead of coming up with more fraudulent help.

This has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm going to write about. I just thought it was hilarious.

S: SHUDDUP you!

Isaac: I have a family history of diabete. I never sugarcoat.

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Flight ’12

Flight UA839 zipped through the night sky at speeds that cavemen never thought were possible. The passengers on board the mammoth 747 lay peacefully, most of them asleep, or at least feigning rest. Not twenty one year old Isaac, he had his iPod emitting music loudly into his ears. He bobbed his head along with the music as the dude sitting next to him slept through it all. Isaac couldn’t sleep on flights, he was way too wired to even try.

He had been requesting cans of soda everytime a hostess hovered near his seat, the sugar kept him going late into the night/morning. His body was exhausted from an epic week in New York city, but his mind was still very much active. Suddenly, another part of his body sprung to life (Editor’s note: INSERT ERECTION JOKE HERE). His bladder was now demanding to be emptied, all the soda wanted to come out.

Isaac glanced at the person sitting next to him. It appeared that he was in a state of comatose, Isaac surveyed his surroundings and though he was quite lean, even he wasn’t lean enough to maneuver past him and into the bathroom. He prodded him and still there was no reaction. Sighing, Isaac decided to wait until he stirred and watched the in flight movie that was currently streaming.

****

Two hours later and he had yet to even scratch his head. Isaac was growing rather impatient, he kept glaring at his sleeping accomplice as if willing him to suddenly spring awake. He gave the guy another gentle shake and still there was no reaction. Crazily, Isaac glanced at the plastic cup that had once housed his soda and wondered if he could get away with an act that would’ve been funny if he was seven, but disgusting considering he was twenty one.

Isaac: Hello, excuse me…!

Another polite poke. Isaac considered flicking the lights on and off but he was wary of waking other passengers.

Isaac: F*ck it

Isaac shook the guy a little harder kinda like how Chris Brown shook up Rihanna back in the day. The guy’s eyes suddenly sprung open as if he had been caught naked.

Isaac: Sorry dude, can I get past you to use the bathroom.

The guy nodded and stood up to let Isaac pass through. Smiling slightly, Isaac made his way towards the lavatories. Unfortunately, he had chosen the worst time to go as each and everyone was now occupied. Ten minutes later, he came out of the stall and made his way back to his seat.

The guy had fallen asleep again.

Until next time folks! Stay classy!