What’s up party people?
I kissed this girl I’ve liked since back when I was just a sophomore
But I’m afraid to text her “What the f-ck it take so long for?!”
What the f-ck has changed? It it swagger? Is it money?
I still dress the f-ckin’ same and my nose is still as ugly
As the day you f-ckin’ met me
Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Isaac. I’m a fresh twenty one year old, I don’t have any pets, I don’t do drugs, I can dunk on a nine foot rim, I think I’m up for 2012 bachelor of the year except whoever’s running the competition appears to have lost my number, I like boobs, I still live at home, I have my high school principal’s cell phone number in my contact list, I’ve met the prime minister, I crave burgers often and I’m the best looking guy in my household. I think that covers everything, let’s go.
- THIS guy is based as hell. Funny thing is that I was lip syncing the same song at a frozen yogurt joint the other day.
- Some of the things I’m most looking forward to doing when I visit New York next week include but are not limited to: supersizing all my meals, converting all my money into one dollar bills and making it rain, watching David Letterman exchange homoerotic banter with Paul Shaffer, visiting Hooters, wandering around MSG hoping to bump into a drunk New York knick, taking a tour of the hotel where Home Alone 2 was filmed and going to a Victoria’s Secret store with a girl who I hope tries everything on in front of me.
It’s going to be a good trip.
- Community is probably my favourite television show. I’ve rewatched every episode at least three times, THIS scene gets me every time. I even have the song on my iPod just for kicks, I can’t wait until the next time I go to karaoke and sing this duet myself.
- Adele is a surprisingly good way to get pumped up before a basketball game. WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALLL……!!!
- Guys. If I had any semblance of a positive female situation going on, you’d hear about it. Trust me. So please, please, please stop asking me what’s up with the ladies. It’s frustrating me so much that I might just hook up with some random girl just to make people shut up about it (Editor’s note: I call bullsh*t, this is the guy that couldn’t get a date to his year eleven social afterall).
Isaac: Making sure he's single for at least another two years.
Anywho, on to the next one:
The Swag ’12
The sun shone brightly above the galaxy. Aliens from all around the Milky Way had their tans going, sunscreen being applied by their intergalactic spouses, friends and allies. On Planet Earth, 7 billion people went about their daily lives. Two Asian males were currently duking it out on the basketball courts of Strathfield Park, sweat patches already clear on their tops. One of them was twenty one year old Isaac, and he was not faring too well.
It was blistering hot, and Isaac hadn’t stepped onto a basketball court in over six months.
D: How do you remember the last time you played?
Isaac: You always remember the last time you had sex buddy
It had been a very long time, and Isaac was clearly rusty. Jumpshots were far from pinpoint, his moves were robotic and ineffective, worst of all his conditioning was far from ideal. He had been spending the past six months playing fraudulent sports like tennis, he was not in basketball shape. His friend was though, blowing past him at will but he was having trouble actually putting the ball in the basket.
***
The two dudes were playing a ‘quick game’ to 3. Isaac’s friend quickly scored the first basket as a breathless Isaac made a half hearted attempt to block his shot. Doing his best not to pant, Isaac resumed his defensive stance. It was painful to watch, and yet, the score was still only 1-0. The ball slipped from his friend’s grasp and Isaac had possession, he spotted up for a long jump shot teetering on the 3-point line and swished it through.
Isaac: If I hit it from beyond the arc, is it worth two
Friend: Yeah.
Isaac got the ball again, and let the ball rip. He started walking off before the ball even swished through, it was in. Final score 3-1, Isaac’s way.
***
Isaac: Your jumpshot is like a good woman, it will never leave you.
Until next time folks! Stay classy!
