Has got better things to worry about, then a bitch who has better things to worry about

What’s up party people?

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends. 
Sally Albright: Why not? 
Harry Burns: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. 
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. 
Harry Burns: No you don’t. 
Sally Albright: Yes I do. 
Harry Burns: No you don’t. 
Sally Albright: Yes I do. 
Harry Burns: You only think you do. 
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge? 
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. 
Sally Albright: They do not. 
Harry Burns: Do too. 
Sally Albright: They do not. 
Harry Burns: Do too. 
Sally Albright: How do you know? 
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. 
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? 
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too. 
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU? 
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. 
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then. 
Harry Burns: I guess not. 
Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York. 

Before I begin (and yeah, this one’s going to be a doozy), I require everyone to watch the following video HERE.

Watched it? Did you also wonder why the guy’s microphone resembled a dust buster one usually purchases at a dollar store?

Look, the video description sort of gives it away. It’s an age old question: ‘Can men and women be friends?” I think it originated from the classic romantic comedy starring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan entitled When Harry Met Sally (Editor’s note: One of the best romantic comedies ever. BTW, Lindsay Lohan’s physical deterioration reminds me so much of Meg Ryan’s. Does this mean Meg was secretly doing cocaine throughout her entire career as well?). The premise of the movie was that it was virtually impossible for a man and woman to be friends because one or both parties will eventually want to bang the others brains out, a premise confirmed by by No Strings Attached (starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman) and No Strings Attached 2 (starring Justin Timberlake & Mila Kunis).

****

First off, gay folk and ugly folk everywhere are up in arms (Editor’s note: I know, I know you can be attracted to someone for non boob related reasons too, but still).

Secondly….the word friend isn’t just tacked onto the end of boyfriend and girlfriend for no reason. Most of the best relationships are established upon a foundation of solid friendship before everything else comes in.

In reference to that first video, I believe it is still very much possible to be friends with someone you have feelings for. Believe me, I have so much real estate in various friend zones that they call me the Donald Trump of platonic relationships. I’ve written at length about the fact that there is always an underlying attraction you have for your friends (shout out to bromance) and the reason you’re friends with them is because you like them.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with them, maybe in some cases, but not all the freaking time.

I think the only instance it would be bad is if you genuinely wanted to be with your friend…and they were in a pursuit of another person or refused to see you that way.

But that’s a whole ‘nother post…(Editor’s note: Please stop Isaac from writing another post about why girls dislike him. It’s slightly depressing).

Sigh

- I like it when people invite my camera to events.

- I also like it when people celebrate their 21sts as if they’ve just turned 18 again.

- Yeah, shots fired. And I ain’t talking about vodka.

- I can’t believe David Stern cited ‘basketball reasons’ as his main justification for vetoing the Chris Paul trade. From a basketball perspective, New Orleans arguably won the trade by acquiring four very good players (Lamar Odom, Kevin Martin, Luis Scola and Goran Dragic). Hell, add Emeka Okafor to that lineup and it’d be a top four team in the East and a definite playoff contender in the West. It’s one of those rare trades that would have worked out for all teams involved and it was vetoed…for basketball reasons. GG.

As a Heat fan, I’m glad the Lakers that didn’t get traded are now mindf*cked and butthurt.

Anywho, on to the next one:

(Editor’s note: This is a repost of a note Isaac wrote on Facebook three months ago. It’s been a tough week ok?)

It’s been an interesting year to say the least, and though its far from over, I’ve accumulated enough memories to write a rather lengthy book about it. Admittedly, that’s not saying too much because I’m pretty sure I can write lengthy books on almost any topic that involves me in the slightest (Editor’s note: He is currently looking for a publisher to print off copies of iSex: A detailed look into non-contact sex involving only the visual system).

Though it’s been a pretty good year…there have been some pretty humiliating moments, and I’ve been involved on both sides (laughing at, and being laughed at). So because I enjoy public humiliation, here are the top ten most humiliating moments in which I was the victim.

10) The Drug Addict

This happened when I went to visit my younger cousin in order to see where his head was at in terms of his future. Little did I know that I was in for a night of jokes involving my weight (or lack thereof). As soon as I was done assuring my aunt and uncle that their kid was doing the right thing for himself, they launched into a tirade.

Aunt: Isaac, you’re too skinny now, you look like a crack addict.

9) The Rejection

For SLSP3002 (big research project that required the cultivation of quantitative data), it has been a weekly tradition to distribute questionaires in order for us to gather sufficient data to write up a report. So I’ve been wandering around campus getting rejected by everyone left, right and centre. It is not a nice feeling…in an attempt to numb the pain, I have recruited wingmen that have higher degrees of success. Nonetheless, rejection was bound to find me in one way or another.

My friend was chatting up two girls, oozing the charm in which only a girl can ooze and it was clear that she was in there. She gave one questionaire to one girl, and I asked the other if she wanted one. She looked me up and down and said:

“No….thanks.”

I hate people.

8) The Realtor

My immune system took a year off. It’s worked pretty hard over the year due to the fact that I put my body through unnecessarily extensive rigours, so I’ve been sick a few times this year. One morning, I woke up a snivelling wreck, and decided “F*ck it” and cancelled everything I had pencilled in to my schedule for that day. After sleeping in for three hours, I emerged from my bed to use the bathroom.

As soon as I had stepped out of my room…I spooted a ridiculously hot Korean girl…in my house…staring right at me in my t-shirt, track pants, unkempt hair and dripping nose.

I tried saying hello…but it came out as : GALASFJASL!

7) The Recycling

I pride myself in coming up with original material. I recycle every now and then, but I try not to use the same sh*t too much on the same people (Editor’s note: COUGH GODLIKE SHOUTOUTS COUGH). Here I was, turning my swag on with the only girl I can turn my swag on with in which she’ll fully understand that I mean nothing by it.

Isaac: You’re my Times New Roman.

L: What?

Isaac: As in…you’re my type ;D

L: That’d be good….if you haven’t used that sh*t on me before

6) The Blake Lively

Not about me; I’m just wondering…Green Lantern had a budget of about $150 million, and it’s clear that they spent a sh*tload of that on CGI…couldn’t they find someone to wipe off an inch of Blake’s nose? That thing stood out more than anything else in the entire movie, why have I never noticed it before? And yes, I spend a lot of time wondering about sh*t like this. To sum it up, her nose stood out more than a pretty girl in an engineering lecture.

5) The Bus Driver

Unlike a certain Pham twin, when I know public transport is about to depart, I don’t wait idly by for the next one. I sprint like a mother f*cker and consider it a personal challenge to catch it. So after work one night, I saw a bus quickly pulling up at a bus stop about 200m away from me with no one at the stop.

Naturally, I turned the jets on and completely disregarded everything else. My bag no longer felt heavy, my dress shoes suddenly felt like joggers, I wasn’t tired anymore. I sprinted across the road, peripherals guaranteeing my safety.

Miraculously, I made it to the bus stop prior to the bus stopping.

I boarded the bus and made eye contact with the driver, and this is what he said:

Bus Driver: I just saw you running across the road, that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen

4) The Fire

I personally don’t think this really counts as a humiliating moment…I actually think its one of my highlights but my CRIM friends assure me that it was a lot funnier for them than it was for me:

Their tutor had commenced the lesson, and Isaac hardly noticed. However, he did notice the fire alarm going off. Isaac snapped out of his daze and was standing in an instant. Everyone else in the room remained calm as Isaac was ready to transform into the yellow Usain Bolt. 

Glancing outside, he saw people marching out of the Matthews building, one of Isaac’s classmates noticed this and the tutor decided it was time to go. As soon as Isaac heard the word ‘go,’ he turned on the pace.He was seated between some people and there was no direct route out of the room. No matter, Isaac hurdled over the table, spun past a chair and ran out of the room clutching his laptop and bag. He was nearly out of the building when he realised that none of his classmates were on his tail. Hell, none of them were even visible. Swearing, Isaac ran back into the room and saw everyone packing up slowly.

He waited until some of his closer friends were heading out before he turned the jets on once again.

A flock of confused UNSW students stood near the quad chatting excitedly about what had just transpired. Isaac’s classmates were highly amused at how panicked Isaac seemed, Isaac was not amused at the slow reactions. What if it had been a raging inferno, they would’ve burned to cinders!

3) The Night Out

Roxy: I didn’t think you’d come!

Isaac: Why?

Why you might ask? Why would Isaac not go out for dinner with what he thought were a few of his friends? Why would he not enjoy some fine Japanese cuisine with a few amigos?

Because it wasn’t a few friends, it was five girls having a girls’ night out.

Only Isaac…

2) The Haircut

I got eviscerated by Roxy last night. Using her brand of crude humour, she managed to metaphorically bash my head in with Thor’s hammer. And it all revolved around a joke I had made at my own expense, the joke being that my haircut resembled that of Emma Watson’s. Which led to this verbal barrage:

“You know it’s called a pixie haircut right?”

“Hmmm…Emma’s hair might actually be longer than your’s”

“Maybe you should dye your hair to blondish brown….”

“I know Emma Watson’s not the face of Burberry anymore….have you replaced her?”

1)  The Exposure

This is how I described the experience in a blog post: “Earlier this year, I challenged one of my best mates to a few games of Street Fighter IV: Arcade Edition. He pretty much forced me down, straddled me, then proceeded to defecate all over my chest. We played about twenty games and I won two. TWO!”

It was so f*cking bad, it was actually the inspiration for this note. You know what else made it one of the worst experiences of my gaming career? You know it’s horrible when even K*** F*CKING P*** is making jokes at your expense. Some of his best lines during the night:

“OMG ISAAC JUST GIVE UP”

“You lost AGAIN?”

“Everytime I look up, Isaac’s losing again”

“Isaac lost? Why am I not surprised?”

“Even I would do better against G** and I’ve never played before

I love you G**, but my ass still hasn’t recovered from that spanking you gave me

Until next time folks! Stay classy! I pray to Michael Jordan that I never have enough material to write one of these again.