My English teacher wanted to have sex in junior high. The only problem was my English teacher was a guy.

What’s up party people?

Isaac: I f*cking love Cracked

M: i had a feeling u spend a bit of time on cracked XD your blogs reflect a bit of their style XD

Isaac: Exposed

Over the years, my writing has evolved. If you were to compare an entry from 2011 to a journal entry I scribed back in 2007…you’d most likely notice quite a few stylistic changes and quite a funny use of the word f*cktard. Also, the older version of me is a lot more likely to somehow make a joke about boobs then follow it with a serious analysis about why Sarah Jessica Parker is responsible for the continued mushing of the female brain over the past twenty years.

Yeah, I listened to Obama and embraced Change. Sup?

Anywho….I thought I’d pay tribute to some of the things that have played the biggest part in my growth and development over the years, and yes…there won’t be a lot of boob references in this one so its time to close this tab my dear pre-pubescent fanbase (Editor’s note: I’m pretty sure this is a lie).

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Bill Simmons (ESPN.com, Grantland)

Without a doubt my favourite sports writer. You know you’ve made it big when there’s a tutorial on how to write like you (Editor’s note: Read that HERE). I have spent a few weekends pouring over his archived material, reading up about the NBA back in the early 00′s and late 90′s just for kicks. His seamless ability in weaving in pop culture references with sport is amazing and leads to a lot of good laughs. I even bought his 700 page+ book on basketball and have reread it four times….twice within the past two months.

Freakonomics

Freakonomics is a book which was first published back in 2009 by Steven Levitt (an economist) and Stephen Dubner (a journalist for the NY Times). I must admit, I was really late on this bandwagon, I read it for the first time earlier this year whilst looking for a good airplane book. The book has been described as the perfect fusion between pop culture and academic research and I tend to agree. After reading it, I started thinking about the weirdest links that possible such as linking my own life to the lyrics from Drake’s newest album Take Care (Editor’s note: Read that entry HERE)

Cracked.com

One of the best websites ever featuring some of the best dick jokes ever scribed that make me feel like a naked pre-pubescent Asian boy standing next to an NBA basketball player in a penis size contest (see how weak that was?). I’ve been reading Cracked since 2008 and make sure to visit it everyday during my usual stroll through the interwebs. It not only features articles of a pure humourous nature, but some (especially from Dan O’Brien and John Cheese) contain genuinely useful nuggets of advice that I have taken aboard.

Yep, those are the three main sources of inspiration for me. It is highly likely that representatives of all the gentlemen involved will try to pay me to stop endorsing them kinda like how Abercrombie & Fitch paid the douchebags stars of Jersey Shore to not wear their stuff. Oh well, at least I finally get to earn some money doing what I do.

Swag.

I'm just going to shut up now.

Anywho, on to the next one:

Lose Yourself ’11

Whilst we’re on the topic of inspirations, I would rank Eminem  right up there for me. Along with being on my list of all time favourite white people (other people on that list include but are not limited to George Clooney, Shane Warne, Bill Clinton, Anna Kendrick, Olivia Wilde, Joseph Gordon-Levitt) he is also one of the greatest writers ever. I know a tonne of you are scratching your heads and maybe opening a tab to access Amazon, but Eminem is a rapper and writer.

The structure of every song (except maybe every song barring Beautiful on Relapse) is just a genius at work.

Which is why I attended his concert last night that featured Lil’ Wayne and two white dudes that called themselves Hilltop Hoods.

The highlights of the event include (in order of occurrence)

- My friend and I wading our way through to Sydney Football Stadium and sh*tting ourselves at the amount of people waiting in line. We then realised that everyone was waiting to purchase tickets and to use the bathroom, so we simply strode by them as if we had extremely large testicles.

- Conversing with someone who had clearly had way too much alcohol about who exactly the Hilltop Hoods are.

- Yawning at least six times during the Hilltop Hoods performance and looking out for hot chicks on the screens (more on this later)

- Yelling out all the Drake lyrics as his album played during the transition from Hilltop Hoods to Weezy

- Laughing as Lil Wayne carried a skateboard onto the stage

- Laughing more so at the four gay people behind me doing some 60s dance move to Lil Wayne’s raps.

- Feeling a little down at my body as soon as Lil Wayne took his shirt off. The dude is more ripped than the back page of a high schooler’s exercise book.

- Feeling my right ear drum pop as a crazy fan decided that singing along was no longer enough and screaming was more appropriate

- Mack Maine awkwardly declaring Lil Wayne the best rapper alive as Eminem prepared to take the stage

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Now on to the main attraction

- Eminem opening with Won’t Back Down was one of the highlights of my f*cking life.

- Feebly holding up my phone as Lighters blasted over the stadium speakers. My friend brought his zippo just so he could hold it up during this song.

- Me feeling my throat go as I screamed out the chorus of ‘Til I collapse

- Eminem dedicating a song about domestic violence (Love the Way you Lie) to all the ladies in the crowd. What was more hilarious was that every god damn female in the place yelled out the chorus as if their lives depended on the volume.

- The hot ass blonde girl who sat on someone’s shoulders with her lovely rack for all of the crowd to see. Props to the cameraman for lingering on her for the longest five seconds of my life since the time I lost my virginity (Editor’s note: EXPOSED!)

- Eminem saying that everyone in the crowd looked f*cked up. No one was offended, I acted as if he had just told the greatest joke of my life

- Everyone in the crowd already standing up before The Real Slim Shady started blaring.

- That encore. Lose Yourself sung by 40,000 people in unison was one of the best moments of my life.

Needless to say, I had a good time.

Until next time folks! Stay classy!