Now she wants a photo, you already know though

What’s up party people?

“Let’s say someone introduces you to Kate Bosworth at a cocktail party in Manhattan. And let’s say you’re thinking: ‘Holy sh*t, I’m talking to Kate Bosworth!’ and assuming you don’t have a chance with her. Are you hopping in a cab wit her later that night? No way. Now, let’s say you dated Meadow Soprano for three months, hooked up with an Olsen, and fooled around with Minka Kelly when she was between Mayer and Jeter….and then someone introduced you to Bosworth. You’ve been there done that with female celebs. You’ve broken the barrier down. You have an inner confidence that you might not have had otherwise. Even better, she knows about you and Minka Kelly, giving you a little celebrity cachet with her. She doesn’t have to worry about you high fiving yourself after an orgasm or waiting for her to fall asleep so you can film her with your cell phone.”

That was an extract from ‘The Book of Basketball,’ by my favourite writer Bill Simmons. And also serves as an epilogue to today’s flashback which only happened yesterday. I’m going to go straight into it because guys….this one’s a good one:

Real talk: All I did for today was type in boobs demotivational poster into Google and save the first one that made me laugh

The Movie Star ’11 (Part II)

(Editor’s note: Part I can and should be read HERE)

Walking around with a slightly mopey expression set upon his mug, twenty year old Isaac couldn’t wait to leave his workplace. He was still recovering from a recent bout of food poisoning and the sweltering heat did nothing to ease his symptoms. He was tempted to ask his manager to conclude his shift early, but the money kept him grounded….and a timely trip to the bathroom.

Sighing several times, he figured that this would be another one of those mundane days that would never be reflected upon.

***

M: Yo Isaac, where are you?

Isaac: Production room.

The phone in the production room sprung to life and Isaac took the call.

M: Dude, she’s back. The hot Asian girl from the premiere, she’s back (Editor’s note: Photo of the girl in question HERE). She just walked past me.

Turns out Zhu Lin was back in town for a Q&A session following an afternoon screening of the movie 33 Postcards. Isaac got hyped really quickly and sprinted out of  the production room at a pace usually reserved for people escaping natural disasters. Within seconds he was at the theatre that was meant to house the screening; she was nowhere in sight. His workfriends laughed at how flustered the normally calm (Editor’s note: That’s a lie. He’s never calm, he bounces off the walls like a kid with a sugar IV) Isaac was behaving. Isaac jokingly said how cool it would be if he asked her for her number during the Q&A session.

K: Dude, what do you have to lose?

Isaac: Er…my dignity and pride.

K: You’re one of the most charming people I know….you’ll have no regrets if you do it. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity!

Isaac: Well…this is the second time I’ve seen her in a week

****

Isaac ran around the cinema searching for his girl once again. He went through the bar in which two of his best friends at the Ritz were currently serving a pretty brunette. Isaac motioned to his friends and then yelled out:

Isaac: She’s here…she’s in the building!

He then proceeded to fan himself off with big exaggerated motions. The pretty bruntette turned to look at him looking slightly bemused:

Brunette: Are you referring to Zhu Lin?

Isaac’s mouth dropped. He felt exposed. The pretty brunette was clearly someone associated with the 33 Postcards entourage here for the Q&A. Isaac mumbled something and quickly sped away, as he ran he heard his friend at the bar tell the brunette how taken Isaac was with Zhu….

***

S: She’s in there. Back row, just texting someone.

Isaac grinned widely and fixed his hair before walking into the packed theatre. He walked straight down without looking for her, then walked back up. His eyes set upon her, her hair tied back in a bun. To put it bluntly, Isaac thought she looked cute as f*ck (Editor’s note: How’s that piece of writing for a college graduate). Isaac walked outside and began giggling with his friends. Zhu, the director of the film and another lady were being introduced to the crowd inside and everyone was informed that there would be a Q&A session once the movie concluded.

***

S: They want you up in the bar, I’m guessing your friend is up there. Take these with you.

Isaac was handed four business cards he was supposed to distribute, a nice way for him to butt into whatever was happening in the bar. Isaac headed up whilst frantically fixing his hair again. He went behind the bar counter and spoke to his friend about what he was to do. He confessed that he didn’t think he could keep a straight face around her.

R: You’re piss weak Isaac, follow me.

The two headed outside to the balcony where Zhu, the director of 33 Postcards, the manager of the Ritz and another lady were eating choctops and sipping on alcoholic beverages. Isaac felt his face growing hot and turning a bright shade of crimson; he had his back turned to the women as he busied himself.

“Isaac, come over here and meet Zhu.”

Isaac’s jaw dropped, that was his manager’s voice. His manager was attempting to be his wingman!

Fixing his hair again, Isaac turned around and tried to fix his face into something that resembled a smile. He walked towards the entourage and Zhu suddenly looked him straight in the eye and gave him a knee shaking smile.

Manager: Zhu; this is one of our trusted employees Isaac. He took a photo with you after the premiere last Monday

Zhu: Oh! Hello Isaac.

Isaac shook her hand, doing his best not to make a fool of himself.

He then said hello to the director of the movie, who beamed and nodded at Isaac politely

…..and then he realised who the other lady was. The other lady was the pretty brunette who had exposed him at the bar earlier.

Manager: Oh and this is the director’s daughter.

Isaac: Ohhhhhhhh….Hi!

****

The Q&A session had concluded,  Isaac had been making ngawww sounds whenever Zhu spoke into the microphone. Her humility and elementary grasp on the English language was endearing to witness and Isaac was finding it hard to stop smiling.

The crowd streamed out of the theater and Isaac began distributing pamphlets advertising the movie like clockwork. He spotted Zhu and the director’s daughter a.k.a. pretty brunette begin to walk towards the exit. Isaac raised a hand and gave Zhu his trademark two fingered wave and whispered ‘hey.’ She said hello back and the pretty brunette decided to take it to the next level.

Pretty Brunette/Director’s Daughter: Oh look Zhu, it’s your boyfriend

Isaac and Zhu both gasped and glanced at each other sheepishly. Isaac didn’t know how long he could keep going without bursting  out into laughter.

Pretty Brunette/Director’s Daughter: Come on…he’s a handsome boy

****

Epilogue:

Isaac: And yeah…that’s what happened. How funny is it that our manager tried to be my wingman? Even she knows how sad and lonely I am these days.

Isaac’s friend nodded at him as if he was soaking in the story.

B: You’ll definitely be telling your grandkids about that one

Isaac: Probably will

B: Just not you and Zhu’s grandkids

Ouch.

(Editor’s note: Trailer for 33 Postcards HERE. BTW, she is way hotter than how she is depicted in the movie. Trust me).

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

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