I’m just hoping that you really feel the same

What’s up party people?

“Interviewer: It’s sometimes possible to lose sight of who the person is that you’re actually with instead of who you imagine them to be.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (JGL): I did a movie about that called (500) Days of Summer.

Interviewer:Yeah, with Zooey Deschanel. I thought it was really effective in communicating that notion.

JGL: It was a widely misinterpreted movie, I think.

Interviewer: Really? How so?

JGL: Well, people tend to say, “Why didn’t she end up with him? He was so nice!” But I think that he was really quite guilty of projecting a fantasy onto this girl that she didn’t necessarily deserve, and that, honestly, he was pretty wrapped up in his own selfish point of view.”

- Damn JGL, why’d you have to put me on blast like that? I’ve written ad nauseum about this movie before (Editor’s note: HERE and HERE, and if you want some more type ’500 days of Summer’ into the search bar to your bottom right).

Obviously I could see it from Summer’s perspective as well (Strangely, I’m more like Summer than I am Tom, I’ve always wanted to commit but I’m wary about committing to the wrong person), but I still thought that Tom had every right to lose his sh*t at her refusal to acknowledge their very obvious relationship. Thinking about it though, it’s clear that there were a tonne of ‘scenes’ that we didn’t witness, maybe ones that made it clear that it was a platonic relationship between the two. Since we were being guided by Tom though, we’re left with nothing but Tom’s thoughts about what could have been.

- I bumped into one of my friends from high school who I haven’t seen in at least a year. Before we exchanged a fist bump, handshake or even any pleasantries; the first thing out of his mouth was: “what happened to your hair?” I hate people.

- I was having a discussion with my friend about birthday presents. You know how it is, one of your friend’s birthdays come up, you have no idea what to get them, so you hope that someone has an idea. Once that person has their moment of inspiration; everyone chips in a bit and voila; problem f*cking solved. Though I’ve been part of the process many, many times; when it comes to my birthday, I much prefer getting personal presents. It’s just how I like my gifts…although I wouldn’t even bother asking who chipped in if someone bought me an apartment in the city.

- I told y’all Michael Jordan could fly.

- Jerry Seinfeld: Elaine, you always care when an ex-girlfriend dates. You don’t want it to be someone you know and you don’t want it to be someone better than you. While the latter is obviously impossible, the former still applies. 

- The current movies out in cinemas are a joke, and a bad one at that. When the only movie worth watching is a re-release (Lion King) you’re better off saving your money.

- Shout out to Steve Jobs. The only celebrity who past away over the past two years that I refrained from making jokes about straight away. iSad over your death, and iHappy about all the contributions you made to the advancement of technology.

Macbook Pro 2012

Anywho, on to the next one:

And yes, this one is going to be a little different and will be painfully hard to write. I’ve been split as to whether I should write this or not because I’m pretty much exposing myself and unintentionally (Editor’s note: You’ll see how this is kinda funny in about 500 words) putting several people on blast.

Should I do it?

I can still back out.

…

Let’s go.

First, a bit of background. When I found that JGL interview that I opened this blog with, I spent a LOT of time thinking about 500 Days of Summer. I thought about it so much that I started throwing things at the movie screen whenever I saw the trailer for Our Idiot Brother (which features Zooey Deschanel). My mind lingered around her motivations, her thought process and ultimately why she denied Tom a chance at spending more than 500 days with her.

So…after thinking about, I fully understood why she did, didn’t like it, but I understood it.

Which led to this…..

The Rationale Behind the Multiple Rejections of Isaac

Presented by…Isaac himself!

I’m not going to write about every girl that has ever rejected me (Editor’s note: That would take way too long, and multiple entries. ON BLAST!). I’ll write about four of them because the word ‘four’ in Chinese sort of sounds like death, do with that what you will. Oh and I will not be divulging names, when the rejection occurred (Editor’s note: This won’t be in chronological order either to throw off some of my most devoted fans), or how many times I banged my head repeatedly against the shower walls post-rejection.

Girl #1

One of the recurring motifs you’ll notice throughout these anecdotes is that I have ridiculously bad timing. Sometimes, I’m forced into a situation where I have to come out with it or I lie, and though my last name sounds like lie, I can’t do it to a girl in that sort of situation. So in this instance, I was forced to come out with it and the girl surprisingly had no idea that I ever felt that way about her. The thing about me is…I’m nice to most people, so girls just think I’m treating them like I’m treating everybody else. Sure, I might buy the occasional gift, but they assume (or force themselves to believe) that I’m just being nice.

Which I am.

Which begs the question…are nice guys really just being nice or trying to manipulate the girl in question. I can honestly say that making her like me was not my main priority. However, the idea that me putting forth so much effort might sway her feelings did cross my mind, how could it not? Obviously I failed in that regard but yeah. This girl just had a tonne going on in her life at the time and I just didn’t fit into her plans.

Damn.

Girl #2

This one….well, it’s kind of a funny story. She did agree to one date, except she showed up four hours later whilst I waited in McDonalds. When she did finally arrive, we only spent about twenty minutes together wandering around before ending back at that same McDonalds (where she worked) I had just killed four hours.

That was never going to work out, that hit me at about the 2.5 hour mark.

She didn’t really want a boyfriend (Editor’s note: Still doesn’t. Hasn’t had one since the early years of high school); she had a lot of other responsibilities in her life and again, my timing (her’s too, I mean come on four hours?!) just wasn’t right.

In all honesty, I don’t feel too bad about this one.

Cause as soon as she started work, I ended up going home with one of her coworkers. Swag.

Girl #3

Timing, timing, timing, timing.

This was going along so well too, Hell, we shared some ridiculously romantic moments. She admitted that she sometimes saw me as an unofficial boyfriend, and yet, when the moment came..nothing eventuated. In fairness, I was an idiot in reading into all that stuff.

She had just gotten out of a relationship.

She used the word ‘friend’ with me so often that it felt weird when she didn’t

We had known each other for way too long

(Editor’s note: That could all be flipped into a positive angle, still….)

This rejection was brutal because she wrote a ridiculously well written letter that pretty much eviscerated me and made my eyes pop out of my sockets. I was scared to read it and had my friend read it first, she gasped audibly at many junctions and started patting me on the back as soon as she passed it back to me. It was brutal, but rejections should be brutal. If you genuinely don’t like someone, don’t leave them with any hope whatsoever.

So she did the right thing.

Girl #4

She had just gotten over a guy. She wasn’t ready to commit. She just saw me as a friend.

You know, all those usual cliches.

I was too cheesy. I liked her too much. I didn’t use tact. I sent her rhyming text messages because I’m an idiot. I put too much faith into my own abilities.

I failed.

As I’ve previously written; Let’s be real.

Everytime a girl has rejected me, it’s not just because they’re really busy, it’s not just because they’re really caught up in studying, it’s not just because it’s a rough time in their lives, it’s not just because they just got over someone they liked a couple of months ago.

It’s because I have bushier eyebrows than John Howard.

It’s because I’m skinnier than most runway models.

It’s because my ears look eerily similar to Piccolo’s.

It’s because I simply wasn’t what they wanted in a boyfriend. Both physically and maybe based on my personality too. I’m a flawed human being, very, very flawed, and maybe every girl on this list just saw through all my bullsh*t and came to the conclusion that committing themselves to me was not a very good idea. That’s fine, and they all have the right to make their own decisions.

With the four girls I mentioned, I could’ve come up with better game plans, that’s undeniable since I was running around like a headless chicken most of the time. Sigh. So ultimately, yes they rejected me and I made it relatively easy for them to do so.

Damn.

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

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