When all is said and done, more is always said than done

What’s up party people?

So I kiss your hand and tell you “Thank you” 
You turn and ask me what for 
For our first kiss, on next week 
For when we make love, in six weeks 
For the ring you wore proudly three months from now 
For when you said “I do” next March 
And for those beautiful children of ours 
Yes, I know it might sound strange ’cause we just met 
But I thank you in advance 

- Greatest article not written by me EVER. It harps on a number of points I’ve been regurgitating relentlessly during my tenure on this blog like: “If you take out the romantic connection, those two people would still hang out like nothing had changed.” You can’t be having sex 24/7/365 (Editor’s note: If you can…kudos); so there are bound to be times in between sessions of magical f*ck where you actually have to converse and do things that involve keeping clothes on. THAT MEANS BEING FRIENDS, WHICH MEANS FRIENDS MAKE GOOD PARTNERS. Why the f*ck am I the only one that gets that?

- I’m glad Taylor Lautner’s movie appears to be horrible. That would mean I can avoid having to deal with the excited yells and constant giggles his fan girls emit whenever they’re in my cinema since he only has two movies left in his career. Sorry buddy, guess you should’ve taken the X-Men: First Class role.

- Kate > Pippa Middleton. It’s not even a debate, I have no idea what y’all are talking about.

- “You look like my first wife. And nope, I’ve never been married.”

- A great, violence free method to deal with cheating girlfriends and disloyal bros

- What would your last meal be? I have no sympathy for his crimes, but his choices did make me nod begrudgingly.

- I don’t care if you’ve seen it a dozen times, own the VHS and the DVD, y’all need to catch The Lion King 3D pronto. Great movie, ridiculously good soundtrack (three of the songs used in the movie were up for best original song in the 1995 Oscars) and 3D actually enhances the movie’s already spectacular visuals. You know how most 3D movies are ridiculously dark (best example is Harry Potter and the Warner Bros is trying to Milk this Franchise to Death Part II), well The Lion King is as vibrant as ever.

Gotta f*cking love it, and yes 3D movies are quite the wallet drainers…but here’s some advice to all my female readers; next time a guy even expressed moderate interest in you and asks you out, suggest that you guys go to the movies, select the Lion King, go to a nice restaurant and never give him even the slightest inkling that he has a chance with you.

There you go free movie & a meal, feel free to rinse and repeat as many times as possible until the f*cker tries to make things exclusive.

Who said I never gave practical advice?

Keep your pimp hand strong fellas (this message was sponsored by Chris Brown)

A while back one of my friends told me that her little brother had been ‘dumpster diving’ the other night.

Naturally, I thought that her brother had been cruising the slums trying to pick up trashy girls. I was wrong, the guy had been literally going through bins looking for items still in their original packaging that had yet to go off.

This little confusion inspired the following ambiguous terms that I’m sure I will be using at least 3-5 times per week.

Resume Padding:

When a bro/broman decides to date as much as possible to rack up experience and to impress future candidates. E.g. Bill decided to go resume padding in order to prove to Shaniqua that he had sufficient experience.

Dumpster Diving

When a bro/broman decides to go after a trashy target, possibly to get his/her mind off things, possibly cause they like it dirty. E.g. James went dumpster diving and woke up with Kesha the next morning

Bargain Hunting

When a bro/broman decides to go after someone easy E.g. Isaac was bargain hunting and found himself on a date with Paris Hilton

Anywho, on to the next one:

The Gum ’11

Twenty year old Isaac Lai did a lot of things Michael Jordan did. He ran backwards in that legendary gait, arms swinging, slight smirk ever present. He would clutch his shorts whenever he was in a defensive stance, and he would stick his tongue out whenever he was exerting maximum effort. If you wanted to copy anyone, you might as well copy the best.

That is why at this moment, he had his tongue out as he dealt a pack of playing cards. He was playing a (not so) friendly game of Big 2 with a friend he had no intention of humiliating himself in front of. She had started on a big winning streak with Isaac barely being able to fend off what seemed like a massive loss, but he had started to get into his stride and had suddenly pulled ahead by quite a bit. During the games, he had been chewing on a piece of gum that was quickly losing it’s solid form.

Another win, and his gum had become a fine paste in his mouth.

He shuffled the cards, gave a wink to his flustered opponent.

He was trying to think of a way of getting rid of his gum in a cool manner. A few seconds later, he realised there was no way to get rid of his gum in a cool manner. It was pretty much liquid in his mouth now, and tasted awful.

F*ck it

Isaac swallowed what was left of his gum.

And just like Jordan, he didn’t choke.

Until next time folks! Stay classy!

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